and a poem to help illustrate what it the ouroboros is to me

A question I've heard a lot since the first post is, "what is an ouroboros?" The Ouroboros is a mythical snake that's said to surround our universe. It's depicted as a snake eating its own tail. I named the blog the ouroboros because I feel like the Ouroboros is a symbol of me. I see it as a an allegory for how our my pursuits are consuming me.

I see that circle of self-consumption in some core memories. When I was 8, reading a self-help book to work through my anxiety. When I was 12, deciding that I was the reason I didn't have any friends. And so many other times when I was struck by the urge to change. These moments form so many of my core memories, that I feel like the effort to change myself defines who I am.

And I think it's interesting, because I know that I am someone who is always trying to be better. But, when I reflect on the symbol of the ouroboros, I can see different things about myself in it and make new connections. Actually, I came up with the name of this blog when I wrote a poem that shared the same title. The image of a snake eating itself had been repeatedly coming to mind, and it inspired me to write this poem.

The Ouroboros

I am the ouroboros
the more i do. the loss I mount
until I feel nothing but
the universe, one thousand pounds
of sweat weighing my shirt
weighs one hundred pounds

I run like my skin
is the road my feet are
running on
and my sweat is myself
evaporating
but every breath
reminds me i am me
and I cannot have
anything at all
I can only have myself

I am the ouroboros:
swallow myself whole

And, before you go, I wanted to share why I wrote this poem and what I hope we take away from it. To me, poetry is beautiful because it leans into the ambiguity and unknown of human connection. We connect to each other through language, touch, and images. But all of these leave gaps. And the gaps reveal more than what any word can ever say.

No communication can contain the entirety of our souls, lives, and feelings. But these gaps in communication gives us ways to peek through to each other's true selves. Because leaving room for interpretation, misunderstanding, and discussion allows people to learn things about us that we don't even know yet.

Let me tell you a story, when I was in an art class in college I made an art piece that I published without a description. I thought it was cool and edgy to put Untitled out there as an art piece. Worst case, I thought, they would just think it was bad art.

But what happened was when they were discussing the work, someone noticed a different insecurity. They saw, and shared with the class, how certain details seemed to indicate my own lack of faith in my art. They made a connection I didn't know existed, that I left a lack of title and description because I wasn't sure what I made was really artistic at all.

Did it suck to have that in front of my peers at school? Yeah, but it wasn't so bad. And what I carry from that day is the strange truth that through that work of art, those people got to know me better than I knew myself.

That fact is why I wrote the ouroboros, both the blog and the poems. I hope to connect with each of you, learn new things about myself and let you learn new things about me.

In spite of my desire to convey that, nothing I say will fully encapsulate what the blog or the poem means to me or to you. But I hope that the gaps left in between simile and statement are ways for us to form real genuine connection.